maxolines:

sassy-spoon:

nerdbird:

Google is definitely a woman, it starts suggesting things before you can even finish your sentence.

That must mean Bing is a man, tries to convince people it’s superior and does a horrible job with pleasing its user.

zillatamer:

letterstogodptiii:

tea-books-and-blankets:

yaygocats:

discomplete:

“i want to wear shorts because it’s hot but i really hate my legs” an autobiography

“I want to wear shorts but i didnt shave” the sequel.

“I want to wear shorts but I don’t tan and I’d rather not blind you” The trilogy 

“I want to wear shorts but my huge dick always sticks out” a pop-up book

a pop up book

sassymccoy:

no but women are so badass okay

because there will inevitably come a point in every woman’s life where she wakes up in a pool of her own blood and her reaction will be dammit now i have to do laundry

that is some suave superhero shit and you won’t ever be able to convince me otherwise

londoniers:

once my sister was eating pop rocks on my bed and spilled some but forgot to clean it up and apparently some pop rocks got on my pillow bc in the middle of the night i happened to drool and i swear to fucking god there is nothing more terrifying than having pop rocks exploding all up in your face when you are asleep 

drinkmasturbatecry:

leupagus:

milleemo:

I Was Going to Reblog That Post Until I Saw Who Wrote It, The Musical.

I Wish Someone Else Would Make That Point Because Oh My God I Loathe You: The Memoir

I Too Hate This Thing You Hate But Let’s Face It I Hate You More: A Tragicomedy In Three Acts

flatabsandthighgaps:

“Be hydrated”, they said
“It will give you good hair, and clear skin,” they said
“It’s good for you,” they said

“I CANNOT EVEN SLEEP BECAUSE I HAVE TO GO URINATE EVERY HALF HOUR”, I SAID

amenpenis:

cellphones have two brightness settings: “dim” and “the messiah is back”